Emotional Intelligence

As our life experiences in relationships clearly show, there can be significant differences in the way men and women respond to situations, interact, and handle issues. The book by John Gray, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, describes the problem-solving orientation of most males versus the feelings-based attitudes of most females. This is an excellent starting point, and a fun read, for gaining critical insight into interaction between the sexes.

As Dr. Shawn Andrews, leadership and EQ [emotional quotient] coach, aptly put it: "Boys are socialized very early on to be competitive, confident, assertive, decisive and even aggressive. Boys are taught about hierarchy, and that winning is the most important thing. Girls receive very different messages in their childhoods. Girls are socialized to be nurturing, care about others, show emotions, get along and be empathetic. Girls learn that the process is more important than winning and that relationships are key."

The study of “emotional intelligence”, popularized by Psychologist Daniel Goleman, can be positively transformational for people. The term encompasses:

 •       Self-awareness: Recognizing one’s strengths and weaknesses and being in touch with one’s feelings and emotions.

•        Self-regulation: Developing the capability to consciously regulate one’s moods and emotional responses rather than being buffeted about by feelings.

•        Motivation: Maintaining a positive outlook on life, a sense of purpose, and strong relationships with family and friends.

•        Empathy: Understanding and compassionately relating to the emotions and experiences of others and developing social skills, such as reading facial expressions, body language, actions, voices, and other indicators to interpret moods, thoughts, and the feelings of other people.

 Men and women who develop high degrees of emotional intelligence possess the tools necessary to understand the innate and conditioned characteristics of the opposite sex so they can more easily form working relationships. A Google search on emotional intelligence books, tests, and podcasts will return more links than any of us have time to explore.