Attraction vs. Objectification
The world goes ‘round and life goes on due to the attraction between males and females of the animal kingdom. Clearly the means and mechanisms differ with different species, but without attraction, there is no motivation to procreate. Within the ranks of humans, most feel that attraction between the sexes is natural, pleasurable, and important. Some, however, draw a line when they feel that the attraction others may feel is too physical and superficial – that the appeal displayed objectifies and fails to reflect the qualities of the person within the body. This concept is new to many seniors and leaves some, mostly men, confused and frustrated when their actions have crossed the unseen line.
So, how do we navigate this important part of courtship and relationship building when individuals have different perceptions and sensitivities? The answer is obvious: cautiously and with respect. But what does this entail? First and foremost, the purpose of creating any relationship will dictate certain ground rules and expectations. Everyone appreciates some expression of their date’s admiration, but it must be responsive to the context of the date. As examples:
1. Hookup. This is pretty straightforward: the expectation is basically sexual, and both parties are more interested in the superficial aspects of attraction, so initial objectification is probably part of the plan.
2. Initial stages of long-term relationship possibilities. It takes spending time together to know one another. Expressing a strong physical attraction early on can send the message that the desire for sex may be the dominant driver. The other party may then feel objectified since they don’t know each other well. Some individuals are far more sensitive to the issue than others, and this can lead to rejection and loss of hope for building a meaningful relationship.
3. Mature relationships. Even in the midst of long-term relationships, over-aggressive attraction manifestations can lead to hurt feelings if one party feels they are being treated as an object or sexual plaything. Thoughtfulness, sincerity, appreciation, and loving expression can offer balance to almost any level of what otherwise might seem to be superficial attraction.
Frequent expressions of love and affection during routine portions of life that are clearly not intended as an immediate invitation for sex reinforce the authenticity of attraction over objectification.