Safe-ish Connections
By Barbara Levinson
Fantasies, expectations, and the excitement of meeting someone new can cloud judgment. When connecting with strangers, safety is a significant concern for women and men. Whether you meet someone online, at the gym, in a bar, or at a gathering, connecting with someone new involves vulnerability; there is no foolproof way to keep safe. Sensible precautions don’t diminish romance or adventure but help you protect yourself while pursuing both.
Consider creating a separate email address, and possibly phone number for online dating. When you’re ready to move beyond the site, it provides an added layer of privacy. Before meeting, talk on the phone; language patterns, tone, verbal expression, and conversation are revealing. Wait until trust begins to develop before sharing your personal phone number, address, workplace, or other identifying information.
You can use technology and social media to find out more about someone you might date. Try searching online, checking their social media, and watching for anything that doesn’t add up. If someone avoids your questions, won’t talk on the phone, pressures you, or gets very romantic too quickly, it’s best to walk away.
Technology is a useful tool for learning more about someone you might date. If you’re not comfortable with technology, get help. Look up information online, check their social media, and notice if anything seems off. If someone avoids your questions, won’t talk on the phone, pressures you, or acts very romantically before you’ve even met, step back.
Never send money, gift cards, or banking information to someone you have met online. Be suspicious of anyone who suddenly becomes stranded, claims to have an emergency, asks for financial help, or offers an irresistible investment opportunity.
When meeting for the first time, choose a well-lit public place such as a café or restaurant. Avoid private homes, isolated parks or beaches, and unfamiliar neighborhoods. Tell someone you trust where you are going and whom you are meeting. You might even ask a friend to call or text during the date. You can ignore the message if everything is going well. If it isn’t, you have an easy excuse to leave.
Keep your phone charged and with you and provide your own transportation. Don’t allow a new acquaintance to pick you up or drive you home. If you order a drink, never leave it unattended. If you do, order a fresh one. You’re being wise- not paranoid!
As the wise Gloria Steinem advised, “Trust your instincts. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck and looks like a duck—but you think it’s a pig—it’s a pig!”