Aging Today
As a bona fide seventy-eight-year-old senior citizen, I’m not the “old man” of previous generations. Furthermore, the world is still my oyster with a myriad of opportunities for continuing to experience a rich and meaningful life. Unfortunately for many, attitudes about and expectations for our declining physical and mental capacities, performance, and possibilities as we age are overwhelmingly formed around the single metric of chronological age without regard to one’s actual mental and physical capabilities.
Over time, we are constantly drawn into the past as we compare our current condition to that of our younger selves. We grieve the lost skills instead of focusing on our existing talents. We tend to exaggerate our perceived former mental capacities and physical prowess while failing to realize what could be accomplished with our present abilities.
Retirement, or reaching some arbitrary numerical longevity milestone, does not mark the end of a useful life, but merely completes another chapter of one’s life story. We are healthier and better prepared to live longer, be more active, and continue to be productive than any previous generation. With a realistic, more informed perspective, it’s time to move on and plan new beginnings. Make the most of the precious time remaining. Step out of protective shells and do things that were not possible before because of a lack of time or opportunity. Adopt a promising attitude.
A positive view of the future, combined with an open mind and an embrace of prospective opportunities, are characteristics that are shared by most successful people at all ages and stages of life. This is true in business, school, personal relationships, hobbies, avocations, etc. A willingness to consider new options is extremely important as we face the unfamiliar challenges of transitioning into this new phase of our lives. Change is inevitable, and it is better to focus on how to tolerate and work with these changes than to stubbornly ignore or fight them.
Many seniors have lost significant-others and are still grieving and/or have given up hope of finding new love. Others have lost a sense of self-worth after retirement. The loss of social interactions as friends and family pass or move on can create severe isolation. Building new relationships, romantic and otherwise, is critical to our wellbeing. Studies have shown that with loneliness there is a 59% greater risk of functional decline, a 45% increased risk of death, and a 50% increase in developing dementia. Medical conditions often place limitations on mobility and participation in certain activities. Mentally preparing ourselves for the unknown can be critical to avoiding becoming negative, fearful, and overwhelmed with these changes. It’s time for a RESET.
It can be helpful to do this by reviewing the ways you have adapted to the life altering events in your past. How did you handle the school transitions as you graduated or moved from one to another? Or how did you adjust to entering the workplace and the accompanying resets as you moved to and from the military, new jobs, or careers? How have you navigated romantic relationships from first-love through dating and marriage? What skills have you developed to deal with friendships and family matters that include children and partners? How have you coped with loss – financial, divorce, death?
When we reflect on our lives, we can see just how many logical and appropriate occasions there have been for new beginnings and reinventing ourselves. In order to avoid wasting our remaining years, we must ask ourselves “What next?” If you really and truly just want to sit in front of the TV all day, that’s a choice, but make it official, not the default: declare that there is nothing else that you would rather do.* Own the decision. However, if your bucket list still has items in it, get busy. If not now, when?
As an example, a fellow we called Big Butch started playing guitar and singing rock and roll in grade school, but he really wasn’t great, and he only played alone in his basement. He continued to play off and on for decades wishing somehow that he could play in a small band, but he never put in the effort to make it happen. When he moved to a small town at the age of 60, he found a small restaurant he loved and ate there five nights a week. When the owner decided to close the establishment, he threw a party to thank the patrons for their support. Butch really wanted to do something special for the owner and provide the entertainment. Never having played in front of others, he was terrified and had little confidence. But he finally came to grips with reality: if he didn’t do it then, he would probably never do it. Despite his fears, he performed and was very well received. Shortly thereafter, he was able to form a band that played at restaurants and bars for years. Butch did it before it was too late.
*Stephen Hawking, the late British theoretical physicist who suffered from Lou Gehrig’s disease, spent decades in a wheelchair, paralyzed and forced to use a specialized stick pressed to his cheek to speak. During his 50 years of crippling adversity, he was credited with major contributions to physics and cosmology. While few of us can claim his brilliance, we are not prevented from having his positive can-do attitude and perseverance.